A new challenge

I recently read an article about trecking across America and taking your kids along with you. I'm all about this for several reasons. The world is too wild and crazy for me to want to leave my country. I have no interest in flying since the news is broadcasting a plane crash every other week. Passports are expensive for babies. Road trips are just good old fashioned fun. And honestly, I love my country and I want to see more of it. The challenge is self explanitory. The goal is to see all 50 states before your children graduate. However, I'm going to assume it means before the first child graduates, giving you 18 years to complete the task. That means if you take 1 trip a year like most families do, you would need to see at least 3 states. Here is the list of states the two girls have been to:

This summer we will be adding Michigan and Wisconsin. We are looking forward to it!! 

Spring Update

I just realized that I never did an update on spring or Easter! Well needless to say it was not very exciting. Same old same old as usual. Except this time mom is not with us so that made things more depressing than celebratory. We try to march on through our holidays to make sure the girls have a good time. They're just too little to understand the sadness. However Easter was ok. Isla has recently become obsessed with the Toy Story movie and the Easter bunny just so happened to bring her a 12 inch buzz lightyear doll.

It was any other normal Easter. We went to church in the morning to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The only difference was this year I hosted Easter dinner for the first time ever. It was a nice dinner with the immediate family. Just a ham and some delicious side dishes to go with it. We did our fun little Easter egg hunt out in the backyard. The girls are still little and don't quite understand the egg hunt concept, but thought it was so much fun to open them more than anything. Their dresses were absolutely adorable. I could just hear my mother now about how adorable they looked that day.

After Easter we tried to get outside to enjoy the nice springtime weather. They had a tractor show at the local farm bureau. The girls loved seeing the giant combines. It was also nice to get out and get some sunshine.

These girls are getting so big. They grow like weeds! I cannot believe next month Isla will be turning three years old!

My two ants helped me host the baby shower for Jill. I am so grateful for that because I don't know how I would've done it without them. It was a beautiful day with several guests and amazing food. She got plenty of gifts to help start off baby Grayson. It was a great day.

One of the hardest holidays that I will ever have to go through was this past Mother's Day because it will be the first Mother's Day without a mom. I miss her so much. I tried to honor her as best as I could. We visited her resting place. It was a solemn day. Moving forward we always plan to visit her spot and bring her the coursage that she ever so loved. It was her metal of honor as a mother. I hope and pray Isla continues to remember her and miss her as much as I do. We try to keep her alive everyday.

I got a sweet gift from Isla that she made in preschool.

She is too funny. 

And finally, the cousins are in town. :)

Welcome to the world Grayson

Born at 5:40 PM on 05.15.15 and weighing 7 lbs. 8 oz. and measuring 20 inches long, my nephew Grayson Hank Caldwell finally entered this world. It was a rough couple of weeks for mommy as the baby was not agreeing with the pregnancy anymore. She was showing signs of preeclampsia. My sister was admitted for low amniotic fluid and high blood pressure. While in the hospital things were just not turning around for the baby so they decided to induce her at 36 weeks. That makes him for weeks early! He is still such a big boy for being premature! 

Aside from a couple of minor issues during delivery, everyone is at home and well. He is precious and sweet. Our hearts are swelling with happiness for Jill and her family. However, we feel the emptiness of our mom during this wonderful time in her life. She would've been right there with Jill the whole time l, holding her hand and helping her through this delivery. It is just so sad that she never got to meet him. It's still so upsetting that she really isn't coming back. I have to keep telling my mind that she is gone. My body honestly believes that she's coming back one day. I know she is looking down watching over her beautiful new grandson. I hope that one day this little boy will know how much his Grammie truly loved him even though she wasn't here to meet him. 

Picking up the pieces

It's been just over 2 months since mom died. We are just starting to unthaw from the traumatizing last 7 months. Life is hard and strange. I carry this feeling of disbelief and denial. I rewind and play the last 7 months over in my head and it feels like a dream. Or a really bad movie. I'm still having a hard time accepting this new life. Anytime I look at her picture the tears automatically begin streaming down my face. It's just sad. Nothing good about it at all. Pure, raw, depressing sorrow. We are all trying to pick up the pieces of our hearts that were stomped on. I have tried to keep the girls and myself occupied to ease the pain. Business keeps my mind  from continually replaying this horrible event. I just miss her. I loved her so much. I hope she knows that in heaven. 

I hope she knows how much Isla talks about her and says she misses her. How much Isla has grown and is becoming a little person. 

I hope she knows how much Isla wonders the house looking for her. And how she will always call it grammie's house.

I hope she know what Estelle is up to. How she is such a busybody and is now talking. 

I hope she knows how much we miss her presence during these amazing life events. How much we feel robbed that she isn't there. How much we need her. How much we feel that emptiness.

We love you mom. We miss you so much.